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Famous Funny Quotations

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"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
by Groucho Marx
"The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it."
by Umberto Eco
"The reality is, just like with adult books, a big name makes for an easier booking. Any time you're booking an author for a four-and-a-half to five-minute segment, if you're dealing with someone who's done television or comes with a track record, they are a known quantity. They know they have to have a funny or a touching story."
by Kristin Matthews
"They are men of character. I find their confrontation very funny, but maybe I'm the only one to think so."
by Raphael Ibanez
"Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever."
by Mark Twain
"Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more than generate irony."
by Lionel Trilling
"It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get"
by Anonymous
"Jess has always made funny comments where you're like, 'Where in the hell did that come from?' But I think it's charming"
by Ashlee Simpson
"It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son."
by Gertrude Stein
"I'm like a kid in a candy store right now. I'm excited to be running, which is funny, because a lot of guys dread coming to preseason and sprinting around and working your butt off, but I'm really excited just to be out there with the guys. I really missed it."
by Alecko Eskandarian
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
by George Bernard Shaw
"It is well known that Beauty does not look with a good grace on the timid advances of Humour."
by W. Somerset Maugham
"If you really look at humor, that's what most of it is anyway. Somebody wisecracking at somebody else. Putting them down. If you look at all the sitcoms, that's all sitcoms are today. Things never change. Sardonic, sarcastic humor is always prevalent. It's hard to do something funny without being that way. It's classier if you didn't have to resort to it, I think."
by Johnny Hart
"Humor does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enables us to move back from it a little."
by Mason Cooley
"It was beautiful. We all wanted him to do it, hit the home run and break the ice. We all know he has the ability. It's pretty funny to hear people say he doesn't have it anymore."
by Mark Sweeney
"It was a funny situation, ... My son was born and as the nurse yelled out the time of birth -- 7:05 p.m. -- everybody started chuckling, which I couldn't understand. Then someone said it was happening around the same time the puck was being dropped in our game [against Montreal] at the Air Canada Centre. I guess I'll have to get the little guy a stick."
by Darcy Tucker
"I have a funny feeling he'll be back. I think he has something to prove. I don't think he wants to end his career like that (with an injury). I have a feeling he's coming back, but that's just me. I could be wrong."
by Anonymous
"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
by Mae West
"It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified."
by Gilbert K. Chesterton
"Funny how people despise platitudes, when they are usually the truest thing going. A thing has to be pretty true before it gets to be a platitude."
by Katharine Fullerton Gerould
"A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny."
by Bobby Darin
"A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first."
by Pierre Salinger
"A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot."
by Alan Marshall Beck
"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."
by Ernest Hemingway
"After doing Johnny I wanted to just do something, I wouldn't say innocent, but to not have any care in the world. Lots of setups and horrible happenings but its funny."
by Jhonen Vasquez
"But I believe that there are marriages where you can have your pool table and she can have her scrapbooking room or garden or whatever it is. But when everyone has what they want, it's not funny. There's no conflict."
by Brad Garrett
"But after they settle in you've still got to be funny, because for an hour just the fact they get to see you live in a theater is going to wear off if you're not doing well."
by Jerry Seinfeld
"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is"
by Steve Martin
"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."
by Peter Ustinov
"Courtney Love is really cool and funny. I would like to meet Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz. I think I could play their daughters."
by Dakota Fanning
"Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth."
by Stephen Baldwin
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
by Will Rogers
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else."
by Will Rogers
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else."
by Will Rogers
"Funny business, a woman's career the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted."
by Joseph L. Mankiewicz
"Garlic gum is not funny"
by Lines for detention
"Funny-peculiar or funny-ha-ha"
by Ian Hay
"Funny noises are not funny"
by Lines for detention
"Funny is an attitude."
by Flip Wilson
"Funny how the new things are the old things."
by Rudyard Kipling
"Funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does."
by Douglas Noel Adams
"Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store."
by Anonymous
"From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere."
by Dr. Seuss
"God writes a lot of comedy the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny."
by Garrison Keillor
"He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be."
by Colin Quinn
"I always find it kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, and kind of exciting. In New York I'm recognized a lot, although nobody says anything. You know, they stare at you just a second too long. But in Paris it's not as commonplace to be recognized."
by Marc Jacobs
"I am eternally grateful.. for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, reason enough to feel honored to be alive, no matter what else might be going on."
by Kurt Vonnegut
"I hate it when people take the things I say and turn them into something sexual. Just because it's funny to them, doesn't mean everyone is going to take it that way. And I don't."
by Kurt Cobain
"I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go."
by Gertrude Stein
"I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week."
by Eric Idle
"I think both of us would have preferred to be able to play the whole summer and see then what would have happened but both of us have hardly played, ... It's funny how that works out."
by Lindsay Davenport
"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
by Will Rogers
"If you can't be funny, be interesting."
by Harold Ross
"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it"
by W. Somerset Maugham
"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it."
by W. Somerset Maugham
"It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger."
by Gertrude Stein
"It is funny how we can see this outside world using our eyes; and we can see someone's inside world looking into their eyes."
by Anonymous
"It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best you will very often get it."
by W. Somerset Maugham
"It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh Because it is a gravely religious matter it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd for only man can be dignified."
by Gilbert Keith Chesterton
"It's a funny thing about life if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
by W. Somerset Maugham
"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married"
by Robert Frost
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
by W. Somerset Maugham
"It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile."
by Garry Marshall Wake Me When It's Funny
"It's a funny old world."
by Margaret Thatcher
"It's funny, to me, the way people refer to childbirth as a miraculous event. A miracle is something that defies nature. Only, childbirth has got to be the most natural thing in the world. Top three anyway. But, on the other hand, when you think about it, there's really no other word that fits. Sperm. Egg. A coincidental meshing of genetic information that will grow something that could write an opera or cook up some Napalm. It blows my mind."
by Barbara Hall
"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it"
by Eleanor H. Porter
"Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny"
by Steve Martin
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die; any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
by George Bernard Shaw
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh"
by George Bernard Shaw
"Life is funny. Life isn't categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don't know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or...I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know."
by Jennifer Aniston
"Life was a funny thing that occured on the way to the grave."
by Quentin Crisp
"Rusty You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side."
by Ocean---@---s Eleven
"Sex is funny and love is serious."
by Stephan Jenkins
"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."
by Guy
"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have a paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."
by Guy Davenport
"Talking perceptions, people. Do we really see each other for what we really are, or do we just see what we want to see, the image distorted by our own personal lenses I lost someone today and the funny thing is, I don't even know who she was."
by Jeff Melvoin
"The best ideas come from jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible."
by David Ogilvie
"The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible."
by David Ogilvy
"The funny thing about stopping is that as soon as you do it, here you are."
by Jon Kabit-Zinn
"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it."
by Elaine Agather
"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go along with it."
by Elaine Agather
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'"
by Isaac Asimov
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka' (I found it) but 'That's funny ...'"
by Isaac Asimov
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...' by Isaac Asimov"
by The most exciting phrase to hear in science the one that heralds new discoveries is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...' by Isaac Asimov
"The world is a funny paper read backwards. And that way it isn't so funny."
by Tennessee Williams
"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God"
by Bill Cosby
"There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world."
by Jean Baudrillard
"There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off."
by Doug Coupland
"This spirited new musical is American history...but with a 'Forrest Gump'-type twist, as Liberty Smith, an everyman hero and the 'forgotten' founding father, crosses paths with historical giants and influences great events in funny and unexpected ways."
by George Washington
"Thoughts are funny little things,
They can make paupers or make kings."

by Sidney Madwed
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad."
by Anonymous
"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
by Dennis Miller
"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
by Dennis Miller
"Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist."
by Sarah Silverman
"Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion."
by George Orwell
"When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth."
by George Bernard Shaw
"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."
by George Bernard Shaw
"You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things."
by Ken Kesey
"It's just that I have this funny objection to torturing small animals no matter how scrumptious their body parts might be. ... Our food industries are equal opportunity abusers: cows, chickens, pigs, and a special mention to those little calves who for their short, miserable lives are locked into crates too small to allow movement just so we can eat veal."
by Ron Reagan
"Prince Charming is very nice and very honest and very confident in who he is and funny and knows how to have a kick-ass fun time. Is willing to melt away so that nothing else exists in the world except himself and his princess and loves food and cats and every life form except human beings which is not necessary."
by Alicia Silverstone


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